Getting Better, But Not Good Enough (Yet)

Two weeks ago I tried to finish my second 100 kilometre race, it was the same one I attempted last year with much less training, but I still couldn't finish it.

Don’t go wasting those emotions. Such a good song which has recently made it’s way back into vogue with the current edits and reverbs floating around on social media. One of my absolute favourites.

Our sport is hard. We’re human, not machines. We break down. Sometimes it’s not fun. Sometimes you miss cutoffs. Even I’ve had to think about cutoffs when I finished my first Western States in a gritty 27 hours plus on my third try.

Humans are resilient.

We can achieve hard things if we don’t give up. Criticism, whether from others or ourselves, is fuel for the fire

- Camille Herron

The Reality Check I Needed

Comparison is such an easy thing in this sport. It’s so easy to write down goals.

But the reality is this sport is hard, as Camille outlined in one of her recent social media posts.

You know how I know that? Talk to anyone in your office who doesn’t run and tell them the distances you’re covering in preparation for a marathon or an ultra event. You’ll hear: “Crazy.” “What do you mean?” “You consider this fun?”

That’s the first part of it all. This is the first year of my journey to get to Coast to Kosci. I’ve put it out into the open. It’s going to be, in my view, a three-year journey.

It could be longer, and after not securing any tangible qualification this year it might well be. But the reality I learnt this year is that patience will be my best asset. It’s not fair to compare where I am now with who I was racing against at Dead Cow, or who I was on the start line with at Sri Chinmoy.

As my coach Justin puts it, my running journey is essentially in its infancy. And despite running 100 kilometres (well, death-marching the back 50), I haven’t really had proper structured training for a long time.

This year was the first since 2022 where I was able to run for months without feeling like my body was falling apart. I’d never voiced this to anyone, but running for a long period of time just wasn’t fun. It became part of my identity through the podcast, though.

I was grappling with my love for the sport and talking about it with amazing people, while also drawing comparisons with the polar opposites of my ability to actually run and enjoy that aspect. In hindsight it seems crazy that I still ran more than 2,000 kilometres a year and completed a couple of ultras as well.

Anyway, I’m getting sidetracked. I didn’t make it past checkpoint 2 at the most recent Sri Chinmoy 100. I’d done months of training, felt as fit as I have in a long time, but it still wasn’t good enough.

The positives? I was 40 minutes faster across the 52 kilometres, which is a huge improvement, crewed perfectly by my wife Cassandra. But it still hurts, because a number of friends either finished or got incredible PBs, and then you have to tell them you only made it halfway with no injuries or excuses.

It’s not all negatives. I backed up my 48 kilometres at Dead Cow with another race with no chafe, no blisters, no gut troubles. Wins.

Ultimately, I did the work, but I’m still too heavy. This isn’t to say that bigger athletes can’t achieve incredible things. Athletes come in all shapes and sizes. But it’s far easier to move when you’re not over 100 kilograms on the scale.

For me it comes down to day-to-day eating, something I was honest with Justin about recently. I’m a reformed binge eater. I love food, and my issue used to be that I could eat far more than anyone else. If it was in front of me, I’d eat it.

Somewhere along the line this year I didn’t lose control, but I lost discipline in terms of snacking and eating: an extra bit here, an extra bit there, a lazy lunch. It all adds up. I wasn’t tracking. My nutrition literacy is improving, but it’s still not where it should be. Basically, I didn’t meet the standards I wanted to in this area. It’s a work in progress, but getting much better.

Lauren Nash has been epic in this space, and now eating Gym Meals for lunch and dinner has granted me greater food freedom in other areas. As a reformed breakfast radio newsreader, I’ve also reduced my Monster Energy intake from around five a week to less than one a fortnight.

But losing weight can be hard when you’re training for an ultra marathon. Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t drop weight fast enough without risking injury. If an amateur athlete struggles with this, imagine the daily demands of someone who does it professionally.

So the goal now is to turn to a pre-season. With no fear of upcoming races or injuries, I’m hoping to find a new level of fitness that will see me go deeper than I have before.

When hopes were high: photo courtesy of Dan Donegan

Dead Cow Gully Recap

What a race. I can’t even put into words what it was like to be in the presence of some of these runners. World Champions with resumés longer than the number of hot dinners I’ve had.

Mum and Dad crewed me incredibly well. I can’t fault them at all. I perhaps underestimated the difference between the temperatures I trained in and the race-day conditions, and I got quite dehydrated early.

Perhaps what I hadn’t accounted for were the three bridges on course and the gully, which caused serious bottlenecks. On my last lap (the first reverse one), it took me 11 minutes to cover 700 metres. These are just things I hadn’t factored in, and despite trying to adjust on race day, I couldn’t make it work.

But I made it back with four seconds on the clock for loop 7. More than enough time to stay in it. The crowd was loud, champions of the backyard arena watching, people yelling for me to get back out there. But as I crossed the line and hunched over, I heard nothing. No noise. No sense of where I was. Just stillness.

For whatever reason, call it an out-of-body experience, I didn’t make it two steps back into the corral. I didn’t start loop 8. I’ve thought about that moment a lot. I don’t regret it. I could have easily called my race well before then, after being caught in that bottleneck. I gave everything I had to get back to the line when it felt impossible.

But this photo tells me I have more to give. That I haven’t even scratched the surface. And if there is one thing we’ve learnt from the heroics of Phil and Sam, it’s that we can all dig a little deeper.

Epic photo from Matt Keen of finishing loop 7

Where to Now?

A break. Right now, the mind doesn’t want to think about racing. I’m keen to get into the gym and spend time working out year two of this journey.

I’m hoping to be back at Coast to Kosci commentating once again, but that will come down to whether Greg and Mickey have me back. If not, I’ll follow the race like I have since its return. With some new friends and others in the race this year, the 77-person field looks like one of the best editions yet.

If you’ve made it this far in the blog, just know I appreciate you and your support. I’m just a regular guy who, for a little while, fell out of love with this sport, but is now well and truly all in.

See you on the trails soon. x