Now You're Just Somebody That I Used To Know
This week I talk about how far I've come in a few short years, exorcising the Mt Taylor Demons and an incredible running week that was
Toenail Count
7.
I’m Not That Person Anymore
2018 was one of the toughest years of my life.
I finished working in politics as an advisor and mutually decided to separate from my wife.
It takes a lot of courage to decide when something isn’t working and make a change.
My boss in politics was the Member for Canberra at the time, Gai Brodtmann, and after a rough sitting period it was basically decided to part ways, and I would no longer be the Media Adviser.
No one had a work ethic like Gai, she would often be up sending emails before I had gotten out of bed at 5am, but she had boundaries. She tried to not intrude on weekends as often as possible, and would often pay for her office staff to have lunch on a Friday.
She was hard but fair. I learnt so much during my time working as an adviser in my mid-20s and don’t regret it one bit. I was working as a bartender when I got the job to work for Gai, going from pouring beers to writing speeches was an incredible change to make in a short period of time.
It shows you’re never too far from your next opportunity if you believe it enough. I ended up going back to work in radio, it was half the pay, but I was much happier because the pressure levels were a lot lower and I could do something I enjoyed.
However, I was probably 15-20 kilograms heavier, it wouldn’t be until later in the year I discovered it was closer to 30 kilograms, during my time working in politics I wasn’t very active and would just eat anything and everything.
Mentally I was struggling really badly.
I remember so vividly how through all of this I made my first proper connection with running. I had a disagreement with my wife at the time, and ended the argument by putting workout gear on and heading out the door.
I ran for two kilometres at a pace many would consider a walk. I was out of breath, barely making it 100 metres before choking back air, it was embarrassing for me and I’m sure anyone watching might have felt the same way. But I persisted, and ended up getting through a 2 kilometre run in about 20 minutes.
I was feeling much better, but the tension was still in the room when I got back home until words were said to the effect of “this isn’t working”.
This night I think planted a mental seed in my brain that running could be beneficial not only for my fitness, but for my mental health.
A decision was made and eventually we mutually split, a decision both of us have benefitted from as a result. Sometimes I find it hard to remember that I’m not that ‘bigger’ person anymore.
I look back at old photos of myself like the one above and don’t recognise that person, but I still on occasion buy clothes that are far too large, there is still a discomfort that sometimes hangs around when I do it.
It’s something I’m working on and confidence is coming back each day, but I know this is something people who carry weight struggle with, I developed a nervous tick if I think shirts are too tight I try and pull them, to try and hide my weight.
This doesn’t happen so often anymore, I think because today I’m a much happier person than I was all those years ago.
Conquering Mt Taylor Demons
In 2018, my friend Grace came down from Sydney and a plan was hatched to go for a walk up Mt Taylor with our friends Christian and Terry. Deep down I didn’t know whether I was going to make it to the top.
We started walking and the entire time I was complaining and was struggling to keep up with the others, there is a seat about a kilometre up from the base of Mt Taylor and I called it quits there.
I was absolutely shattered, to look your friends in the eye and tell them you can’t complete one of the hikes even toddlers do (I saw one on Sunday) climb, I was fucking heart broken.
It’s an indescribable feeling of shame, and that things have gone too far the other way. Fitting in with the theme of not being that guy anymore and not knowing who they are, I’ve since completed two runs this year up Mt Taylor where I’ve summited six times during the run.
They have perhaps been the biggest hurdles for me to overcome, going from being a guy who couldn’t run 100 metres without being stuffed, to climbing hills and mountains for fun.
Each time I go to a place I have struggled at previously, whether it’s been a hike or a run, it’s like ticking a box off in my head that the person I’m thinking of that struggled there is just somebody that I used to know.
That person who stopped midway up Mt Taylor is a distant memory.
Training Week
Monday: Rest day, tried to really work on my tight hips and lower back with some stretching, yoga and the massage gun. Came into the rest day off the back of two consecutive trail half marathons, but was surprisingly fresh.
Tuesday: Came out on the new loop I created on Friday at Mulligans Flat which gives me about 10.5 kilometres on the trail, managed to get through the session in just over an hour. The loops have some sneaky elevation at about 60 metres a pop.
Wednesday: I follow a really good runner who runs in Mulligans and he runs what on Strava what is considered ‘the benchmark loop’ it’s about 6.9 kilometres for each loop and about 55 metres of elevation. A nice 2 kilometre stretch at the start that winds about 30 metres uphill is good to learn how to run consistently uphill, again ran pretty consistently today, about a minute or so a kilometre faster than what I had been averaging for the past month. 90 minute session did me good.
Thursday: Elevate Running and Fitness Group at Red Hill. Coach Shiree started us off with a nice 80 metre climb for warm-up then working on the saddle with a relatively flat trail and a little hill at either end. Session was 1:1 1 minute on and 1 off times 8, then 1 minute on and 30 seconds off times 8. Incredibly fast session, This was the fourth time I’ve done it and was the first time my float was a slow jog instead of a walk, and I was much more controlled on the efforts, finish with a climb to Red Hill’s Davidson Trig.
Friday: Set a goal to get to 100 kilometres for the week so I was really keen to get a good start here on Friday. It rained heavily overnight and continued through the first of my running before Running For Resilience where I started at 5:30am.
I am firmly of the belief you have to just embrace whatever conditions you’re given because on Race Day you don’t get a choice. It had me questioning my Kathmandu Rain Jacket though as at the end of my first session it had water pooled in the sleeves from sweat. So I think I’ll be upgrading before Kosciuszko. I then went through a cruisy R4R totalling 13 kilometres before 7am.
I then drove back to Gungahlin and ran a nice conversational 10 kilometres with Kirstie after we rescheduled our Tuesday session, it was great for the mindset to just grind through the morning and to do it with people absolutely helped me.
Saturday: Had two and a half hours to play with on Saturday morning before heading out for some family time. Got out not long after 8am and just got after it on some of my favourite trails. Ended with 22.5 kilometres during the session, I found myself in recent weeks over thinking elevation and what I needed rather than just getting out and enjoying running, which I’ve done this week and it’s been the best thing.
Sunday: Mindset is such an important thing when training. I left myself 19.6 kilometres to get on Sunday, and knew I was doing a run with the Elevate Crew that required me to climb a local mountain about 200 metres high for each effort and comprised of 3 different varying levels of Goat Track and 3 more conventional concrete paths.
Doing maths the loop was only going to get me 16 kilometres so I got creative, fuelled the 3 and a bit hours on trail brew and salt and vinegar chips and it worked a treat. Ended up playing a sweeper role to make sure everyone finished up, the last Goat Track hurt and I could feel a bit of fatigue in my legs from the last two days, but finished it off with just over 20 kilometres and a lot of confidence heading into a couple of races coming up.
Totals: 100.5 kilometres, 12 hours and 38 minutes and 2,116 metres of elevation
To be honest I’m really stoked with this week, it pretty much sums up what I’m capable of when I really switch my mind onto the task and just get on with the job. The totals sort of shock people, and those who haven’t run with me see me and don’t really believe some of the mileage I can get. But, I am happy to continue being an exception to the rule and proving people what’s possible if you really want it.
Monday Motivation Heroes
I remember the first time I met Baljit Singh Talwar, it was a Wednesday night spring evening at Running For Resilience, and the founder Matt Breen asked me “have you met Singhy?”
I hadn’t, but I learnt that he is one of the kindest and most giving people you will ever meet. Often Singh is the one behind the camera taking all the photos at Running For Resilience, and if you go on a run with him you’ll feature in one of dozens of selfies.
There isn’t a running group in Canberra that Singh isn’t a part of and combine that with his Dragon Boating he has a formidable mix. When things got hard yesterday Singhy said “if it doesn’t challenge you it doesn’t change you” bit of a mantra I’m going to take into Kosciuszko with me.
He recently ran a 57 kilometre Bravery Trek last Monday which celebrates the service of Australian veterans and raises vital funds to support veterans injured during service when they face hardship. The runners were greeted at Royal Australian Naval bases HMAS Penguin, Sugna Subs, Sub Platypus, HMAS Kuttabul ending at HMAS Watson. I’m proud of you Singhy, absolute legend.
Lizzy Massey is my next Monday Motivation Hero. We met each other during the Terry Campese Special Forces Challenge, where we both discovered we had a love for running.
We barely knew each other, but we were looking for one final hit out before the challenge and did the Four Peaks of the Inner North, perhaps the most incredible thing about it, Lizzy didn’t know she had Covid-19.
I didn’t catch it incredibly despite running hours in close proximity, but it was a run that only strengthened our bond.
When I did a bit of night training Lizzy jumped at it, then when she said she wanted to do 60 kilometres a fortnight ago I ran 30 of them with her at Kowen, we have a lot of fun training together and her mental toughness is second to none.
This weekend just gone she completed her first 50 miler race at the Lonely Mountain Ultra. She injured her knee at about the 28 kilometre mark, and incredibly found a way to get it done, for someone who has only just taken up ultra running recently she’s an absolute inspiration to myself, I couldn’t be happier for her.
Nice Writing Brent, you look totally different from that photo as a new inspiring person you are now.
Thanks for the writing about inspiring hero Singhy. He is such a kind person and one of a wonderful runner in Canberra, he gave us a Good mantra to keep it in mind and use it in any challenging run.
Brent,
Amazing words about Lizzy and Singhy.
Amazing how working on yourself, the connections formed and friendship gained, though not expected......is very, very welcomed.
Your piece on your weight lost, broke me Brent. Really did. Thanks for sharing.
Let's keep getting better together. Kosci here you come!