Quitting Is Not An Option

It's been a week of not much running, enjoying food and love in Western Australia. Most importantly it's been a great reset. Enjoy the read!

I am not afraid to fail; to get lost, to dream, to be myself, to find. I am not afraid to live.

Kilian Jornet

The Comedown

In 2015, I was told I would never play football again. I dislocated my shoulder in a game against Cootamundra months earlier, in what was my third game back after taking a year off to intern with the Canberra Raiders.

I'll never forget the shock in the moments after my shoulder came out. It was like everything slowed down and all I could feel was the searing pain coming from my left shoulder. The trainer who was an accredited physiotherapist couldn't get it to go back in, so I started the walk to the car in agony, almost as if every second just compounded the feeling.

My shoulders hadn't ever been a pain before. I was rarely injured going through my junior career, which saw me over achieve as a not-very tall, but portly kid. At 17 after coming off my second Under 18s best and fairest, I had the opportunity to train with Ainslie's Men's First Grade side.

That had always been my goal from the age of 5 to play for them, remember how I told you about that drought a few weeks ago? They'd just broken it and were off to play in a Conference Championship in Alice Springs. I missed it though as conflicting medical advice had some doctors thinking I needed a shoulder reconstruction, when all I had was a pinched nerve that needed a release. It meant I was racing the clock to make the team and I simply didn't get on the paddock as it took weeks to release the nerve. I never got a chance to try out again, as I did my hamstring in the next pre-season and that was that.

But this is not a sob story, and if I take you back to when I popped my shoulder out I was heading to the car and it was almost like the noise just stopped and my shoulder went back in. I went to the hospital knowing the worst, and that my season would be over. Weeks later the MRI confirmed a torn Labrum and at 22 I considered what I was going to do after football. It would be a year before I could get surgery as I couldn't afford private, although I did try that and the heart break of being told you would have to spend all your savings just completely sunk my heart.

That's when it came to Dr. Katherine Gordiev. I found Dr. Gordiev through a story I was reading about a man who wasn't expecting to have any use of his arm after a car crash, but Dr. Gordiev was so meticulous she completed an incredible surgery and saved the man's arm. After taking one look at my MRI I was told "you will never play football again". You can imagine the expletives I fired back, I mean how dare this highly respected Doctor give me her honest medical opinion. The truth of the matter was I had severely damaged my Labrum to the point where if it was a clock it was torn between 2 and 10 and not much holding it together.

I explained to Dr. Gordiev that I came to her as I read about the car crash man who had his arm saved by her, I was told I would get my surgery in a year and if I was ambitious enough I could attempt to return to sport. It was a long 16 odd months before I could return to the football field, I wish I knew what I did now about the running community, then I wouldn't have been so devastated about having football taken away from me.

For the record the surgery was an incredible success and I was able to return to the field as you all know, I'll forever be thankful to Dr. Gordiev and her incredibly gifted hands for giving me that chance to fight my way back onto the field. But as I headed towards my late 20s the reality hit like a ton of bricks that games would be numbered and the end was closer than the beginning. It's a weird feeling, because I remember being 19 and on my first pre-season trip with the third graders and the boys telling me it goes quick. In a way it hasn't felt like that, but it certainly made me appreciate the journey, but what I'd missed throughout my career was a premiership. People talk about reunions all the time, my dad is about to have one for his 1982 U19s side he played in.

Premierships form a special bond an incredible high. In our Murrumbateman team and squad there were players in their late teens right up to someone who was 50. But we'll always be part of a squad that delivered the small township it's first ever premiership. No one can take that away from us. The emotion I felt over the week since being a part of that win however I've felt twice, and the comedown after it hits hard.

Once when completing my first marathon and once when completing my first ultra.

It's an incredible high to achieve something that you have spent months or even years working towards. When something special happens, it gets the endorphins flowing through our bodies. We feel a natural sense of exhilaration in reaction to the flow of hormones and chemicals that our bodies produce in these moments. The “high” feeling colours our expectations. And then reality happens. The endorphins and other feel-good chemicals stop surging through our bodies, the high wears off, and we start to feel a physical letdown as well as a psychological one.

In my case after the grand final and drinking a lot of beer I felt this sense of dread throughout the week. My body hadn't recovered and I could feel that both physically and mentally. I pencilled this week down as a recovery and reset week a little while ago, just purely based on the fact I was going to be interstate and how banged up my body would be following the grand final

It's been a good decision, the recovery is as important as the training itself, and I wasn't prepared to push myself this week when my mental state isn't there it had the potential to completely derail what I was working towards.

But I guess what I'm saying is if you have those post event blues you're not alone. I'll always speak candidly about my emotions, and I have no doubt drinking a lot of alcohol post game played a factor, but it wasn't nice to feel like that, but I know that each time I have an event it's natural especially after the high, and that it will go away in time. But it's certainly something to factor in especially if you have other races during your preparation.

A Celebration Of Food And Love

I'd never been to Perth in the first 28 years of my life, but my girlfriend's sister lives in the West Australian Capital, and I'm disappointed I hadn't made the trip across sooner. The suburbs, in particular Bassendean where Cassandra's sister Charlotte lives, is a melting pot of new meets old, battle axe blocks have stunning cottages, while at the back new houses adorn what would've been loving backyards for children in an era gone past. It's the home of Swan Districts Football Club, and it also houses some of what are now my favourite cafes in Holly Rayes and Last Crumb. See that's the thing about running and ultra running in particular, it is often paired with good food, you need to be able to have a plan to survive a long race and each runner will have their own favourites. Without getting side tracked some of my favourites are Maurten drink mix, salt and vinegar chips and nutella on bread.

This weekend and quick trip has been nourishing for the soul. Being beat up from footy and unable to run as often as I would like I'm missing the endorphin kick that comes with it. But an incredible burger that I had twice, along with pizza, some great wedding food, and the best cinnamon bun of all-time has me feeling good about the last part of my preparation. The one food advice I would give to people is that if you're craving something, eat it, don't drive yourself insane by denying yourself. I've now filled my quota and am ready for a disciplined month going forward in what should be an incredible September.

Week Of Training

Just the two runs this week to let my knees heal. I'll be frank it's a less than ideal week when you're less than 4 months out from the biggest run of your life. Sometimes you just have to let the body heal and come back and push yourself in the rest of the block.

Wednesday: 10km in -7 degrees temperatures in Canberra. Good to fill the cup with Kirstie after a couple of down days following the grand final.

Thursday: 10km in 23 degrees in Perth. This was completely different to the day before and has me longing for those tough spring runs when we transition out of the cold and your heart rate jumps initially.

Sunday: Walk the dog. A nice day of reflection and realising that having a quiet week of training isn't the end of the world.

Totals: 21.3km, 2 hours and 9 minutes and 105m of elevation.

Monday Motivation Heroes

This blog and week for me has had a distinct West Australian flavour so I'm going to break my two week tradition and introduce you to two heroes this week. Both from the Great Western State.

The first of them is Natalie Budd, I only really started talking to Nat recently. Although she is one of the people at Elevate that really inspires me, I kind of spent the first couple of months following from afar (have I ever mentioned I'm incredibly shy!) From not knowing Nat I viewed her as a really tough and gritty runner, someone who no matter the obstacle would be able to get over it. Through talking to her recently she's not only that but one of the nicest people you're likely to come across the trails. She won't know this but when she told me that she signed up for the 100km at Kosci after hearing me talk about it I got really emotional, because I have so much respect for people like Nat and how they run. You have to remember I'm completely new to this game, so to have Nat say that made me emotional, and I'm really looking forward to watching her smash the race. She just blew a 5 hour run out of the water and will only keep getting stronger from here.

The second person who I find motivation in is William Barlow. He for me is what epitomises Elevate as a running group. He's always one of the first people outside of Coach Shiree to offer support even if he's never met you. I work in radio, but I sometimes get nervous saying things that I worry people will disagree with, I wish I had Will's courage. He's one of the most supportive people you'll ever meet. In my first ultra Will was doing parkrun at Coombs, he had cowbells and was cheering everyone on, I'd soon learn that everytime I've probably heard cowbells at an event it's likely to have been Will supporting others. Often if I've woken late my first point of call is Will's social media, especially on a Tuesday where I'll likely see video of him running with the goat group, some of my favourite Canberra trail runners to follow, it's my ritual to get me up for a big week of training.

So if you ever see these two great West Aussies floating around on the travels or on the pavement, say g'day. Because it's certainly been one of the best things for my journey.