When Will It Ever Be Enough?
It was a big week on the trails and another race is coming this week, but there is one question that is still lingering in my mind, and it's a question I may never get the answer to.
“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
Push It
I’ll never forget the first time I entered Bright, the small township that flows into Victoria’s Alpine Region. The song above was playing and it became somewhat of my anthem across the weekend, I’d play it a couple of times to try and get me up and about, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who has their own personal anthems to help get them through a tough time. I particularly like Pusha T’s initial verse at the start before the first chorus.
Reality Check
This week I was finally able to catch up on sleep post Ultra Trail Kosciuszko, the time between finishing the 100 and the time until I got nine days of leave felt like an eternity.
I’ve learnt so much from this experience of pushing myself to the brink, something that when I started running five kilometres virtually against Canberra Raiders players at the start of the pandemic seemed impossible.
But, I’m human. My girlfriend, Cassandra, and I went to Bunnings to replace a toilet seat this week. Knowing nothing about the type of toilet we had, we thought we bought a standard seat but it was in shape ‘d’ when we needed an ‘o’, I went like a bull at a gate to get the plastic off, and we now have a toilet seat we can’t return, it was a valuable lesson in being patient, and learning as much as you can before you set out to do something.
It’s a lesson that fits more broadly than just a toilet seat, but it’s a reminder to me that I still have a lot to learn and I’m far from the finished product. For the record, we were able to get the right toilet seat and we now no longer have a cracked toilet seat, but that’s a story for another day.
Scratching The Itch
There’s a strange thing that happens in running that I compare in similar ways to a gambling addiction. Having worked in a betting agency from the age of 16 (I couldn’t take bets until I was 18), I have witnessed many people go through different forms of addiction, the most common being gambling.
It starts off small, people are in control, it might be one bet on a race or a game of sport, when that person wins, they get a dopamine hit, they feel good about themselves and are likely to continue gambling, in my experience I’ve seen senior public servants go from spending one to every night in a TAB, when it comes time to have a tough conversation they don’t want to have it.
I’m not saying that ultra running is in anyway harmful like a gambling addiction, but I would be shocked if the dopamine hit you get from finishing an incredible race isn’t the same as when a person has a big win while gambling.
The problem I’ve seen in the TAB and am now thinking out loud to you all is when is enough?
In simple terms, I’ve completed the most incredible thing I have done to date, am still yet to process it, but the dopamine hit to my body has been so big, I experienced no ‘runner’s low’ for the first time in my life post a race, and am now looking for the next big race.
Am I crazy?
The question I also have rattling around in my head at the moment is when will it ever be enough?
When will I truly be satisfied that I have reached what I think my body is physically capable of, or will I simply continue chasing these highs until I decide enough is enough?
I can imagine these questions would rattle elite runners more so than a simple boy from the Northwest of Canberra, they have a lot more at stake than I do, and these are questions that might take years to answer, but I know if I can finish another 100 kilometre race, I want to tackle a miler, and what comes after that is anybody’s guess.
Race Week Is Back (Already)
The Kowen Forest is one of the places that humbled me before I truly appreciated trail running as a sport. Fresh off the Canberra Marathon in 2021, I thought entering the Kowen Winter Trails Marathon would be a great idea.
The undulations over the course absolutely rocked me, I knew stuff all about nutrition, and I finished within 15 minutes of the cut off time.
Last year I was only able to do the New Year’s Resolution Run, and it’s back this Sunday, serving as a warm-up race before most of the region’s premier trail runners get into the meat of their season.
But don’t let my description of Kowen sway you, let the Wamboin Trail Runners Inc. themselves convince you!
When we decided to start the Kowen Trail Run series, we wanted to create an event that was equally welcoming to both elite runners and to people who had never entered a trail race before. But at the same time, we wanted courses that are as challenging as any you’ll find in Australia. No one would call the half marathon a walk in the park with over 700 metres of elevation in the form of hill after hill after hill, and then you turn the corner and come face to face with Mount Amungula! Meanwhile, we created the 12 km course from scratch with 8 km of continuous single track – complete with switch-backs, fallen trees, steep hills and disorienting curving trails that require 100 per cent attention.
Wamboin relies on its local rural fire brigade to serve and protect us in sometimes life-threatening situations, they are first responders to incidents and support other brigades in the region – while we value them immensely in Wamboin, their value reaches beyond just our community. We support them by using the Kowen Trail Run series of events as fundraisers.
What we love about holding these races is the community atmosphere here in Wamboin, and not just what is clearly visible from the number of local runners, family members, volunteers and fire brigade members, but the passion and dedication shown by every single person who turns up to participate, who shares in the enjoyment, determination and hard work of completing such an event, along with the fulfilment afterwards that comes with this.
Wamboin Trail Runners Inc.
I’ll be running the half marathon this Sunday and look forward to improving on last year’s time, given what I’ve learnt over the past year.
If you’re interested and around this Sunday, Entries are still open until this Thursday: Enter Here
Training This Week
Monday: Continuing to get back into my strength work, people were amazed when I told them the last time I lifted weights before UTK was in February, not making that mistake again, did a chest session, and hopeful I can continue to build going forward.
Finished with a post cardio session, felt so good after nine hours of sleep.
Tuesday: Nine and a half kilometres around my favourite Mulligans Loop with Shan, this was a good way to get back into the groove, body still felt like it was lagging a bit.
I also trained back (the muscle) in the gym later in the day.
Wednesday: Still struggled to get into the groove, but got out for over two hours and 18 minutes. This was a mixture of trails and concrete path as Kowen has both of those across it’s 21 kilometre course.
Thursday: Five and a half hours of time on feet with Alex. She messaged me a couple of weeks ago when she found out I was doing Archie, and has been amazing at giving me some inside intel about what to expect on the course and the climbs. We headed out to Stockyard Spur and continued on to Mount Gingera in weird conditions, it was cold then a bit drizzly and eventually got a bit humid, was valuable time to play around with my running poles as well.
Backed this up with a weight session for triceps and shoulders.
Friday: Back out for 10 kilometres with a variation on my favourite loop, nice bit of climbing considering it was only a shortie.
Saturday: Worked on my pace over the climbs knowing that Mount Amungula is coming this next weekend, went up Old Joe from the Horse Park Drive side, about 11 kilometres, was really happy with how the body was starting to feel for the first time all week.
Sunday: Epic Cotter Loop with the Lazy Glutes, you know the running season is fully back in the swing of things when you’re out for long runs with your crew. This was the best I have ever run this course, was hammering away on the home stretch before coming across a (pack?) of Emus. Nice way to finish the week.
Totals: 91.58 kilometres, 14 hours and 27 minutes and 2,627 metres of elevation
3 hours of 14 of weights and additional cardio
Really happy with this week and felt I maximised it without having work this week, kicked off my build to The Archie, I have little fear about races with big elevation now, and felt really strong at the back end of this week.
My 2023 Calendar So Far
Kowen New Year’s Resolution Run - 15 January
The Archie - 18th February
Gumbaby - 23rd April
Potential Radar:
Bright 4 Peaks
Stromlo 50
Bondi2Manly
Sri Chimnoy Canberra 100
Ultra Trail Kosciuszko 100
Poutinerest - my own Neverest Challenge
One To Ponder
Shoes. How did you come to run in the shoes that you wear now? For myself I started my running journey in some Asics and had bad knee trouble, but for as long as I could remember I was told ‘they’re good for your feet’.
I moved to Hoka and wore the Challenger and Bondi as my first shoes, before moving to the Speedgoat, but found they split right on the edge of my toes well before their time.
I then went across to the 1080 from New Balance and loved it, so trialled the Hierro in the trail shoe and have never looked back having run a marathon and two ultras in them, but is it the right shoe for me, or do I have to look broader?
I’m interested to see how people came to pick the shoe they’re in.
Good luck at Kowen Brent.
I think enough is enough when you can't function in other elements of your life. It's all about balance, right?!
The best shoe is the shoe that works for you :) That's why there is so much choice haha. I go to the athletes foot and get fitted these days. I've had asics, hokka, brooks and currently wearing the swiss cloudstratus.
Secondly, you will know when it's enough :). My first sporting love soccer, I never thought I'd ever give it up, I lived it but there came a time where I found I wasn't excited about the new season so I decided to take the year off and if I missed it I would go back the next year. I didn't miss it and I filled that void with weightlifting. Now 10 years of weightlifting competition, my priorities have changed and the time/energy I put into competitions I need for my study so while I'm still training, I'm not competing and I'm really excited about being able to train for enjoyment, health & wellbeing and not having to weigh myself for a while.