Finding Purpose in Adversity
I'm still injured and it's frustrating as anything I've ever experienced before but I'm still learning along the way
“We don’t heal in isolation, but in community.”
S. Kelley Harrell
Tale of the Tape
The last month has made me appreciate my dad more. My alarm goes off around 4am every weekday and for most people that’s not a normal occurrence, particularly for someone like myself who loves to stay up as late in the day as possible. It used to be playing video games, as a teen and in my early twenties I was elite at FIFA, I could’ve made a career out of it, but decided that playing the game for more than a couple of hours a day was far too demanding.
I’m getting sidetracked here, but going back to dad, when I was a kid, dad used to get up probably earlier than I do now, sometimes he’d ride his bike to walk in minus temperatures in shorts, a trait I’ve taken up in terms of wearing shorts and embracing the cold. But, I thought at the time it was crazy to be doing days that early, and often it would then see him have an afternoon nap after picking us up for school, before taxing us to football training and for a couple of years of that coaching us as well.
I don’t know how he did it for decades, I’m two months into my current stint in breakfast at work and it’s taxing. It’s not a normal time slot to be working, it has it’s benefits and I feel I’m slowly adjusting but it’s been such an adjustment period, especially when I’ve gone from only looking after myself to seven other individuals as well.
But, I love it, I love my job, even if it meant the other week I did a fourteen hour day because of illness within the office. Even if it means I lose one of my best staff members to chasing her dreams. I said when I got the job that if I had the same staff there after a two year period I wouldn’t have done my job right. It’s also part of the reason I’ve neglected this blog for a period of time, because when you work in media sometimes the last thing you want to do at the end of the day is write more stuff, and I think it’s somewhere I’ve really struggled in the past two months, because my running for better words has been up shit creek without a paddle.
You all know I’ve been diagnosed with a back impingement that is causing referred pain to my adductors, after getting that diagnosis I felt optimistic about my prospects considering I thought it might’ve been the dreaded Osteitis Pubis, but it’s felt like one long train of despair. You get these good feelings and areas that hurt previously don’t as much, but then I go to run and it all feels the same, like a shooting pain.
I was feeling incredibly optimistic about today’s run, but I took my first step and knew there was still a lot more work to do. I’ve got my first ever City to Surf coming next weekend, and I’m finding it incredibly hard to get excited about it. There is a gut feeling I have at the moment that just seems to gnaw at me before I go for a run, perhaps I need a mindset shift, but I’m almost resigned to the fact that my body is going to fail me on the run, I had it today despite being optimistic, I got through two kilometres, but even that felt like a stretch with more than half of it being a walk.
I also perhaps haven’t penned many blogs lately, because I don’t like talking about my struggles, but I realise and it goes back to the quote at the start of the blog that you don’t heal in isolation but in a community. I really feel the love every time I post about my struggles as difficult as it is to do right now.
As much as it hurts me to write about my struggles I know that there are people out there that will resonate with my story and perhaps they will then feel a bit better about where they are at with their own level of recovery or rehab, just know you aren’t alone, that was perhaps my first mistake, I thought I had to go through this alone and it’s been so far from that, so if you are struggling whether that be physically or mentally don’t do it in isolation.
A Timely Reminder
In an unexpected twist of fate, while my blog has faltered, I’ve turned my attention to telling the stories of other people. One of those is that of Canberra Runner Patricia McKibbin, who’s podcast will be coming out this week, but it was while scrolling on instagram I saw a post from someone I had never met before.
Basically, this person had seen my podcast with the Andrea Doney ‘The Slow Coach’ and the post talked about how she wasn’t going to go out for a run, but heard that podcast and decided that what she was thinking about it terms of pace and fatigue was really silly, she forgot about all those things and said she had one of the most enjoyable runs she’s perhaps ever had.
Another person I recently interviewed Brooke McIntosh said she woke up one morning saying that a ‘Michael had to keep running’ subliminally she’d put my podcast on during her sleep, sometimes I don’t think about the broader impact that I might be having on people even though I can’t do it in a way I normally would. It brought a perspective to me that I have perhaps neglected because I’ve been so fixated on inspiring through my running and nothing else, and with that not happening much at the moment I thought that’s the only way I felt I was reaching people, and I was so wrong on that account.
So What’s Next?
I’m a realist and the fact that the Sri Chimnoy 100 is 6 weeks away scares me, it will likely be a DNF based on the fact I haven’t even done 100 kilometres of running in the last three months, that’s the reality of the situation. When I should be hitting the back end of my prep it hasn’t even gotten out of first gear, sadly it will just be another learning curve.
I’m also resigned to the fact that my goal of running Bondi to Manly with my friends is really quickly slipping away. I know there is next year or whenever, but this could be my one and only opportunity to run this race with this group of people and that to me is what is eating me up inside about being injured.
But, I have a little more time to assess my situation before then.
If that all goes by the way side and I can’t fit in something like the Stromlo 30k, then my next race will probably be in January at the New Year’s Resolution, which gives me enough time to build into something, and then I’ve only got my eyes set on next year’s Guzzler, with nothing else on the calendar. I’ve learnt from mistakes made earlier this year and I’m bound to not repeat them again.
But coming up is my first City to Surf, as I said before I’m finding it incredibly hard to get excited for, but it just might be the first step in a come back, and that’s a nice thought to have.
One Final Thought
The other aspect I have of admiration for my dad is that he is a blood donor. For years I went with him and got the chocolate milkshakes, but it took me a lot longer to pull my finger out and donate something. He’s over 50 donations, which when you consider you can only donate full blood three to four times a year is incredible.
My donation debut was thanks to Clare Carey who made me think about doing something good, for her it was her 91st donation I think which was of plasma which you can donate every fortnight, still a very selfless thought to keep coming back and doing something for others.
I am so scared of needles it isn’t funny, but this was really nice and I think I’m due another donation next week as well, it’s funny how sometimes fear is so irrational and holds us back from doing something we should’ve done a long time
Also one big shout out to Rob Mason who is overcoming his own struggles with injury at the moment but always has the time to check in. He’s also about to run across the state of New South Wales you should check it out!
You can also find all my podcasts at the one place!
One day you’ll stop putting so much pressure on yourself
Wow so many wise comments on here. I am not so wise.
All I can say is Go Brent, knocked down!? get up again!!