Keep Finding A Way

I delve deeper into my origin story, how I'm managing my energy during training and I joined an elusive club.

“Most people run a race to see who is fastest. I run a race to see who has the most guts.”

Steve Prefontaine

The Reality Check

I’ve been someone that has always been scared of death, and what happens when we cark it. I’m someone that likes certainty, and the great unknown of death is something that honestly sends a chill down my spine.

I remember when I was a kid mum and dad were reading me a book, it explained how you grow up, where babies come from, then when you get old what eventually happens to you, you die.

I bawled my eyes out “I don’t wanna die” I told my parents, but the reality is (and this is what my parents said) everyone dies. We don’t know when that time is going to come and that’s why it’s so important to live each day without worrying about it, because at the end of the day you can’t control what happens to you when your time runs out.

Having been someone that has always loved food, I was prone to putting on weight as there was no way I was burning more food than what I was putting into my body, but no one ever said anything, it was slowly ballooning out of control until one day my boss Jaynie’s husband gave me the biggest reality check of the lot, and it hit me right in my biggest fear.

“You’re gonna die if you keep going the way you are,” Andy Bernal said.

“If you want to do something about it, give me a call.”

This hit me like a ton of bricks, and that night I went home and cried. It was the first time I had the reality laid out for me so plainly, but it didn’t truly hit home, I finished up at the Tab not long after that and began working in politics, and if you read my last edition you’ll know what happened to my weight.

Basically, I didn’t heed Andy’s warning and I was too embarrassed to ask him for help despite him offering it to me.

Eventually, I called Andy late 2019.

Prior to that I went on a crash EHP Labs challenge an eight weeker at the start of 2019 where the winner was going to get $30,000. I lost 20 kilograms in eight weeks, basically kick starting where I am now, but I didn’t even finish in the top three, truth is a fire had sort of been lit inside me, and I didn’t need money to show I was a better person physically and mentally.

Andy at the time and what he said to me, was coming to me only from a good place.

He’s a man who has seen and done it all The 21-time Socceroo (13 'A' international caps, 8 'B' international caps) has an incredible tale, one that took him to some of the most famous grounds in world football, to experiencing the high-life of the Galácticos era at Real Madrid, to the crumbling rock-bottom that some professional footballers face post retirement. 

He moved to play for Sporting Gijon at just 18-years-old, the first Australian to play professionally in Spain, but he did it at a time when there was no social media, and where the only way to communicate with family was to write letters that would take weeks to go back and forth.

There was a bit in between before a 226 game stint with Reading, following retirement managing some of the biggest name in football, he ended up being Beckham’s right hand man, it’s quite an incredible tale which he’s written about for anyone interested.

Riding Shotgun: The Autobiography of the Original Wizard of Oz

But, I’m not here to sell books I’m here to talk about how he drilled into me a new mindset that has enabled me to push further than I ever thought I could.

We started with one session a week, and from my knowledge Andy had worked with some incredible athletes including Australia’s top boxers, so I know that I was going to be smashed.

We worked out of a little gym in Kaleen, it was nothing fancy at all, it was completely humble and something that worked perfectly for me. Sessions early on were a baseline to see how far Andy could test me, I was essentially a rubber band and he wanted to see if I would snap.

I never did, but it was fucking tough. I remember one session we did involved me putting boxing gloves on and jumping in the ring, and it was essentially after a 15 minute warm-up and I was just going three minute rounds, with Andy on the pads.

“One, two,” Andy said.

“Again.”

“Move! Don’t stand still.”

We finished the session and we were absolutely drenched. I must’ve gone close to 13-14 rounds with just one minute rest in between, my heart rate had sat in the high 170s and low 180s for most of the time, and it was then I knew how much punishment I could take.

Grinding away at a session in early 2020

During this time I had started experimenting with my running, going from 5 kilometres three times a week to starting to stretch out the distance and frequency.

Soon I was being introduced to different athletes some were boxers and I’d get in the ring with them and spar, other times it was trying to keep up with Olyroos on hill sprint repeats, I learnt that if I was willing to do the work my body would take me along for the journey.

One thing I love about Andy though is that while we were training he never lowered the intensity of the session because of my weight or what I looked like, if I showed up he knew I was willing to put myself through hell.

Before a session he would show me inspiration before we started, sometimes it would be David Goggins:

Other times it would be something as simple as a quote. I have no doubt these sessions unlocked my mind and by pushing my limits led me on a path to where I am now and I’ll forever be thankful to him for it. Both Jaynie and Andy will always hold a special place in my journey and life story.

So I had the physical tools now, but even through the eight week challenge with EHP, I still didn’t truly know how to eat and it’s only been truly recently I’ve got a proper handle on my diet.

Toenail Count

7.

Runners Need Energy

I was recently talking to Brumbies Legend Ben Alexander about wanting to get ready for Kosciuszko and that in the early part of my training I was getting through the physical side, but I was yet to get a handle on how much I should be eating daily in training.

It’s crazy to think that over a two-hour run I could burn as much as a day’s worth of calories for a regular person, and this is the one thing that scares me the most about Ultra Trail Kosciuszko.

If I’m going to be out there for 20 hours I could legitimately burn 20,000 calories. I’m simply not going to be able to put that back in what I lose, so it’s about limiting the damage as much as possible.

What works for me is a drink mix and gel mix, it gives me around 90 grams of calories an hour. What I didn’t realise though is that I wasn’t eating enough in my training.

I was eating somewhere around 2,000 calories a day and wondering why I would binge eat on my rest days, now on big run days I could consume anywhere up to 5,000 in a day and my performance and my relationship with food has been greatly improved as a result.

So how do I work out what I need? I use Alfred, a simple and easy demonstration below:

When I first started using it I had a 1,500 calorie deficit on a day where I did a double run. I’ve previously been notoriously bad at food tracking and downright dishonest, but knowing this is a tool I will be using for my training, I’ve been as honest as I can be with it, and as a result I’ve lost weight and also managed to perform better because I’m not starving myself, and having enough energy to get through the big long runs.

I know calorie counting isn’t for everyone, but the Alfred App has greatly helped me with working out how much I should and can be eating, and how to balance that better with my running, so thank you Benny and the team!

Upgrading My Pack

I feel like I joined a secret society that isn’t so secret this week, I finally retired my Kathmandu Running Vest and upgraded to a Salomon Advance Skin 12 courtesy of the team at Find Your Feet.

It’s yet to get to me, but it’s likely it will go on one training run before Bright 4 Peaks this weekend:

But it feels like that episode of The Simpsons when Homer joins the Stonecutters, and suddenly the world changes for the better. My Zeolite served me well including a 50 kilometre at Stromlo, it’s time though to retire it to the old trail in the sky.

As for my rain jacket situation I’ll be rolling with a Salomon Bonatti, as my current rain proof jacket leaves me feeling like I’ve been sitting in a sauna when I finish a run in the rain. It’s bright red, so if it’s raining you won’t miss me!

Training For The Week

Monday: All about getting some stretching and mobility into the body after the savage training run at Mt Taylor.

Tuesday: Felt like my body was moving in the right direction with 8 kilometres of conversational pace with Kirstie, before 3 kilometres of tempo, felt really good and was stoked considering how the body had been holding up in recent weeks just more fatigue than anything of real concern.

Wednesday: Went out early and got a half marathon done on the trails in 2 hours and 20 minutes, fuelling was absolutely on point for this, felt really strong through out, and best pace for a half marathon during the training block so far.

Thursday: Hills with my Elevate Group. Coach Shiree had us on one of the more runnable hills at Red Hill on the trails, it was 1 minute on and 90 seconds off x 2 then 6 x 30 seconds and 60 seconds off. Repeat the set, felt really strong and could feel my fitness coming through, tried a couple of reps chasing some of the better runners in the group, just couldn’t quite get there, but lots of confidence.

Elevate Crew at the trig

Friday: 6 kilometres of tempo work with my friend Liam, before a nice 10 and a half kilometres with Kirstie. This was good because I was able to cool down and then have to get myself back up again for the second run, works well for future back yard ultra goals.

Wet morning but the crew still shows up

Saturday: It just rained and rained and rained, so opted for an easy 10 kilometres around the block on roads and footpaths.

Sunday: Don’t know where the motivation from early in the week went, but really didn’t want to get out today, went from nothing to a zone 2 5 kilometre run, then it became 10 and then eventually 15 kilometres, it was so good for the mindset to just push through the fatigue, and with a rest day coming up I didn’t really smash myself at the end of the week, so should be feeling good coming up to Bright 4 Peaks come saturday.

Totals: 81.6 kilometres, 9 hours and 9 minutes and 928 metres of elevation

Down on last week, but I was aiming for giving my body a bit of respite before the punishment of Bright 4 Peaks.

Monday Motivation Hero

Lucy recently crushing Blackall 100

I lost my absolute mind about a fortnight ago when I was going through Lucy Bartholomew’s saved stories, and found something on hill running technique. I saved it to my instagram story and Lucy replied, we got talking and it was such a surreal experience to be able to talk to such a great runner and share my fear and excitement of my first 100 kilometre race.

There are two people in the world I would probably die if I ever got the chance to run with one is Lucy and the other is Courtney Dauwalter. To see Lucy come back in the last month and a bit and run the Melbourne Marathon then back it up with a top three finish in Queensland is nothing short of inspiring.

I like many wanted to see Lucy absolutely crush Western States, she was and then what we all fear, something went wrong as she puts it:

I made it 50k/30miles of the race after tripping on a rock and smacking my head on another rock. My vision went wavy and I kept throwing up - there was no way I was going to be going into the canyon oven in this state.

To have such a heart breaking end to the race, but then reading some of Lucy's posts after the race brought this little gem that I’ve kept with me in the lead up to Kosciuszko:

I’ve been reframing what success means and it isn’t a place, a pace or a buckle - it’s what you learn, how you grow and how you move forward.

I’ll be taking this with me starting with this weekend at Bright 4 Peaks and to every race in the future.

It’s so good to see Lucy back racing and running well and most importantly healthy, the inspiration and motivation I draw from her is that she had such a disappointing moment, and has come back just as strong.

Such a strong role model particularly for those of us runners who might struggle with our own body image, I thought she should be applauded for how she talks about the body and the love we should give back to it.